4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize