Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
