I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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