I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
