Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize