Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
