Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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