I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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