we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
