oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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