you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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