his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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