Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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