i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
