I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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