found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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