We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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