let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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