oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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