am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
