I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
