I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
