I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
