Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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