Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
