reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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