I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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