Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
