my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
