I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize