wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
