i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
