all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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