Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
