i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
