Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
