I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
