I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
