I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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