It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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