the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He shit in the fireplace
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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