Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
