im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
