dude i'm inner monologue high
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
