I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize