White coat. Heels.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
