Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
