So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize