Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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