a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.