I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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