Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
