So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?