I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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