Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
