You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
