I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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