Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
