i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
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They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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