Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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