I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
