Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
