i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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