My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
