I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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