Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
