He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
did i walk over a car last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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