Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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