you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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